Sunday, July 02, 2006
POOF! its over...
yup...the title explains how im feeling right now...still in a daze and cant believe that its really over...its the same kind of feeling that blimey and i had right from the beginning..."eh, the DAY 1 of arts camp leh!!!"..."blimeys, its end of arts camp already!!!"...its kinda scary though, cause things ARE happening around you, but you feel as if everything is so unreal...i didnt know how stressed or affected i was by it, until i look back and realised HOW AWFUL my pimple outbreak was...haha...and i look at the stuff that i bought in desperation to fight the outbreak, cant help but laugh...oh, its like those beauty salon commercial, BEFORE and AFTER...i still got this BIG UGLY PIMPLE scar on my nose and BIG UGLY LIP SORE scar but oh wells...at least i look less monster-like...talked to blimeys awhile after dinner on fri night...its amazing to discover that we've been each crying everyday except for one day...which i bet no one knows all!:P and out of the 4times that i've cried, once was when i felt alone and helpless, but the other3 were more of regrets and guilts... i chldnt answer when hai jie told me that she misses the hai dais...i chldnt do anything when i see ty looking sian...i chldnt go to minmin and tell her that i will stick to our og for the whole camp...cause above all these, i chldnt say no to doing my job, to helping others in their job and just taking a back seat in all those og bonding and stuff...i actually started all the crying shit on the last day, haha...as i watched the videos, any thoughts just came running through my mind...i guess im just someone who cant separate work from personal feelings completely, and in fact even when i spend most of my time doing work, i spend the rest of the time thinking...haha...i cried cause i felt so so so guilty towards ty and minmin for abandoning them, for not being able to spend time with them, for not being able to bond the freshies together just like wat jono had done for us...towards the last few days, it became quite bad that i tend to get the "wanna-cry" feeling when i see ty, junmin or tila...haha...even though i've got nothing to do with tila being best og, i felt really proud when i heard the announcement that tila was best og for tigara! its something which sagira have always wanted to have, yes we can do without it, in fact jono never wanted us to fight for best og or what, but still it is if a dream come true for us all...i cried when i saw the photos of blimeys and i, photos of ocom members, photos of the freshies smiling(i hope they're not faking!haha)...ocom's never been close or what, but its heartening to see that most of us can put in efforts together for this project...and i know that its more than just a work partnership, but its friendship that's been built...i spent more time working with pple whom i've already know, and i got to know pple whom i hardly know...and to see the freshies looked happy at the end of the camp, that's something which have been keeping me going...and im sure that's what blimeys have in mind too:)i cried cause i felt a tinge of sadness...i felt that this whole thing could have been better...the whole working process could have been a happier one...but nevertheless, it turned out this way...there're so many things that blimeys and i have hoped to turned out otherwise,but we were unable to do anything about it...and even up to the last day, shit happens...haha...i guess this regimental system in arts club answers the question as to why there's always an almost-new batch of of MCmembers, affiliates every term...and i felt that we sorta lost focus in this project...blimeys told me that i should not be harping on it, which i agrees...but oh wells, im someone who cares alot if not too much abt whether pple are happy even in work partnerships so...let me harp on it awhile more k? hahaha....and like i told blimeys, no one can truly understand how each and every individual of us is feeling...just like a programmer can never understand how an administrator is feeling...i can tell you that i got this and that to do, it might sound like a few items only, but there's just no way a programmer can understand, really... and its gets kinda sad when pple question the admin pple if we are even doing things or raise their eyebrows when they heard the FEW items that administrators hafta do...haha...since it is a vicious cycle of not-being-able-to-fully-understand, i say that no one just harp on this, cause we know that pple got do stuff can already:) oh wells, pple who think that they know do exist...so jy, u noe what i mean:) *grinZ*layz dun like to be a niao person, but once u're in it for a long time, u noe that u hafta to be niao to ensure that evil pple dun get away with their evil deeds...and i've always believe in "you reap what you sow" and "do not do things which you dun wan pple to do to you" so...what can i say, everything's evident on the last day:)
♥ the world will turn WILD.
9:27 AM
